The Cross
by Evinny
Summary: Squall is alone again, old rivals threatening to steal from him all that he has loved and new rivals threatening his very existence. Can he survive? [SquallxRinoa]


Light crept in threw the tiny slits in the blinds, pooling across a very unsuspecting Commanders face. It was a strong face, well-sculpted and distinct. Around it fell fine strands of wispy, brown hair, and as he wearily managed to open his gray-blue eyes he saw nothing but the ceiling. White and plain, empty. The same feeling he started every day with, and ended his days with as well.

He felt unfulfilled lately, his life had become nothing more then a chore, a task he underwent from start to finish. Sleep was bliss, for it would stop him from thinking. His thoughts which had become violent and angry and scarcely filled with hope would torment him day in and day out.

His soul had been broken down, years of war and loss, of confusion and guilt. It'd been three long years since they split, and it had been three long years of a life he hadn't wanted. She had made it all bearable, but without her…

"_Time to get this over with…" _he thought coldly and stepped out of bed, not bothering to make it as he trudged tiredly around the room in search of his clothes. After getting dressed he searched further for his gunblade, a weapon, Lionhart.

He slung it across his waist nonchalantly and continued out the door of his dorm, saluting to all the hard-working and admiring students of Garden.

A war hero, that was what he had become. A war hero with a mysterious and sad past. However, his falling out with _her _hadn't been so 'mysterious'. Everybody knew about the incident in Deling City.

And everybody knew that their beloved Commander had changed after that.

He went back to being cold and stand-offish, a 'get the job done' type of man.

His friends had acknowledged it, too.

"Hey Squall, up with the sun again?" the chipper cowboy mentioned more then asked after catching up with him in the dorm hallways.

He only got a curt nod as a response and soon found himself struggling to keep up with the Commanders long strides.

Squall sighed and turned to the other man after realizing that he was being followed.

"Yes, Irvine?" he snapped but his demeanor was one of relaxed annoyance.

"Well, I hate to tell you this but… well maybe you should just go talk to Cid".

The slightly smaller man glared up at Irvine irritably, _"What in the hell is he talking about? What's going on? Was it another terrorist attack by that damned Esthar?"_

"Please, Squall… _Commander_, just go speak with the Headmaster. It's _urgent_".

Another short nod and the Commander had turned, continuing with unsurpassed speed to where he knew the elevators were, at the center of Garden.

"_Urgent? He said… urgent? People are dying everyday, this is war. A **world war**. Of course there are matters that an elite military force must address, and of course they are urgent ones. Why am I getting so worked up over this?"_

Squall gazed around as he nearly reached the office where he knew his boss, Cid resided. He didn't know why, but he hesitated before stepping onto the small platform leading up to his place of work. Instead, he took his time in inspecting the scenery first, the vast expanse of clouds in the outstretched sky, the bright blue that tricked people into thinking all was well. He knew how people could lie to themselves. He vowed never to do it again, to be a man accepting of his guilt, mistakes, and failures.

He _deserved _whatever he was feeling. Supremely, loneliness.

"_**Whenever things go right, you just have to ruin them for yourself, don't you Squall?"** _the stoic military leader cringed at the familiar words which had been haunting him for years now. The words full of spite and anger, he could still sense the look on her face when she had said them to him.

Finally, he stepped onto the platform and it rose.

"Oh, good morning, Squall, I've been expecting you".

The brunette inspected Cid, who was sitting as always behind his large desk, hands clenched together and face resting on top of them. Squall could read fear in his eyes, there was something he wanted to say but was afraid to.

The Commander gave another short nod to his boss and then waited for the conversation to start.

"Squall, this is hard for me to say, but… well, three years ago you changed".

"_Uh oh, this is about her…" _he felt his heart speed up and numb all at the same time. He didn't care for these kinds of talks from his superior, if it wasn't work-related it was inappropriate to discuss it.

"Sir, I don't see what she has to do with our work. Please, if this is what you've called me up here to discuss, then I would like to leave. If it is not a matter of business-"

"Last night there was another terrorist attack on Deling. It was on Caraways Mansion, Squall".

"_Caraways Mansion? But… she's there" _outwardly the Commander was sweating, grappling fiercely at the idea that had just been presented to him. It seemed almost unreal.

"A-any casualties?" he began, too unsure to meet his bosses stern eyes.

"One".

"_What's happening? Why does everyone in my life have to-?"_

"Squall?"

The brunette's stare once again landed on his superior who was now examining his second-in-command quite severely.

"I want you to go see her… go and see, Rinoa".

He couldn't comprehend what his boss was telling him to do or why he was telling him to do it exactly. Even more so, he was having trouble comprehending that that had just been the first time in three years that somebody had said 'Squall' and 'Rinoa' in the same sentence.

--

Squall hated missing her, regretting a decision that he had thought, at the time, would have only sparked a trivial argument. Instead it had caused him to lose the only woman he had ever let so close to his heart.

"_I can't handle it. I'm not ready to see her now," _he thought unsteadily. She had been foolish and naïve, and extremely selfish to leave him.

Was him obeying an order from her father over something she had been asking him really such a big deal?

"_I guess it had been to her…" _

'Next stop: Deling City, next stop: Deling City. If you are preparing to disembark at this location, then please gather your belongings and prepare for arrival. Thank you and have a good day!'

**_ding. ding. ding._**

The Commander shuttered at the unemotional voice as it was cut off the intercom and moodily grabbed for his belongings. At least he was privileged enough to ride in a SeeD car, and given that his status had reached an advanced level, he was also glad to have his own car to himself now.

These trains just kept getting better and better.

"Yo' Squall! We're here! Get your sorry ass up!" the brunette grimaced at the familiar voice and the pounding at his door.

"_Oh, just shut up, Zell."_

He searched around the room one last time, double-checking for any belongings he could be leaving behind. Finding nothing he commenced in opening his door and belittling a very over-excited Zell.

"Would you be quiet? You aren't acting like a SeeD".

Zell shrunk back and withdrew his hand, glaring up at Squall.

"Okay man, whatever," he replied snidely and folded his arms. Squall felt a pang of guilt course throughout him but dismissed it just as quickly. He had no time to be worrying about whether or not he had hurt Zell's feelings again.

He was too worried about seeing _her_. What if she had been hurt and how badly? Cid had said 'one' casualty but had told him to go and see her at the same time? So she couldn't be… dead. But, what if she had been injured?

"_Rinoa…" _

--

Deling City had grown bigger since the last time the SeeDs had visited. Trains ran through the city now instead of buses, and the main streets and shopping districts had expanded by the lengths of nearly four streets. Also, it had become a densely populated area, perfect for attacking.

Squall couldn't believe his eyes, he had heard about the construction taking place but hadn't expected the result to be so immense. He didn't even recognize it as the same Deling anymore except for the drawbridge structure in the middle, barely visible anymore over some of the recently built structures.

"Well, are we all ready to go?" Quistis inquired and Squall didn't respond even knowing that it had been a question directed towards him.

"Oh, look at that! Irvy, look!" Selphie squealed, enjoying the scenery and completely forgetting about her Commanders troubles. Irvine muttered something to her and she seemed to calm down. Nobody else said anything until they had gotten on to one of the many trains that would lead them to Caraways Mansion.

"_Maybe this is a good thing? I've been stuck in the past for the last three years of my life… maybe seeing her and getting closure is what I really need to feel like I'm **living **again?"_ Squall thought, but knew all too well that he still felt something for her. He couldn't understand, he may have made a wrong choice, but it still felt like betrayal on her part as well.

After all, how could she have turned her back on him like that? So easily?

That was when they arrived at the mansion, and Squall's worst nightmare came true.

"_Why is… why is Seifer here?!_"


End file.
